It’s true… the world is changing and the world of relationships rather formal or informal had to adapt to this new age of connection. So many terms and concepts have developed and they ultimately suggest that there is a war between living life and feeling caged.
In many ways I see myself as unconventional with some swirls of tradition. When it comes to society’s (both old and new school) criteria for relationships I would say, “no thanks” to a full relationship package; yet, I do appreciate relationship tendencies.
I’m not sure exactly what relationship tendencies consist of but perhaps it’s this: some percentage of the time I don’t want to be responsible for other people’s emotions and the other percentage of the time I want to love and be loved. The percentage for each feeling fluctuates depending on the season.
So, I introduce to you the alternative to the shackled type relationships; I call it the FREEDOM-SHIP
Special Note: It was a toss up between freedom-ship or the Liberator-ship and Freedom-ship flowed a little better. But I would definitely appreciate the chance to say to someone, “yea..I’m in a Lib-ship..because you know I’m just fly like that”
The Freedom-ship should help individuals with the areas of ambiguity people experience in the millennial dating world. It’s designed for those who are at the stage of their life in which they want to better themselves, move forward in their passion, etc…while also making time to plant those relationship tendencies somewhere where it doesn’t suffer and is taken care of.
So why do we need a freedom-ship?
- Our greatest advantages in this beautiful age of technology and information also feeds our greatest disadvantage. We have so much of the world at the palm of our hands and we don’t know how to move forward without checking our resources (aka google)
- There’s a low desire on taking chances but we also want to take chances!
- Some of us have this internal worry bug roaming through our body and it’s whispering to our hearts this profound message, “there is something better” and indeed there is always something better. We want the best, we get something close to it… but still…can we do better?
- My big sister once shared with me that “dating” means collecting data. To me this means we should be doing a lot of dating in our 20s (or insert desired age bracket here) in order to figure out what we want and do not want. Yet, we’re not really dating…we’re doing some weird stuff ..
Benefits of the Freedom-ship
- Many people desire the easier routes to love and even the typical relationship requires some mental and internal work. We intentionally put more effort into proofing a case within our connections instead of just letting love roam freely. But a freedom-ship should let love roam freely. If a connection is not custom fit for you…you will be intuitively notified by reading more into the energy and chemistry (or lack of). You will not need to “test” people if you let love roam. You only need to pay attention during the moments you are enjoying (or not.)
- Remember, modified love doesn’t need to be the catalyst to freedom. The only thing we should modify is how the connection operates when a union enters into new stages that suggest natural, but significant growth. Have discussions about the speed and the expectations throughout the duration of your union with another if the connection becomes stronger and stable. Be aware that we all love differently so take the time to research love languages and become fluent in your partner’s way of loving.
- In the words of Paulo Caulo “one is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” And if this is the case… we have to limit how love is measured. In this current generation…there are a lot of things that work against us when it comes to having the time to stumble across love. Things are less simple and very busy; therefore, we depend on the convenience of dating apps to fill our lives with something in hopes that it actually become some thing…some life changing thing…some mind blowing thing…some thing similar to what we see in movies or we see as we scroll through our Facebook news feed. Then we discover after looking for this thing that there is a message in the back of our mind declaring that we’re not ready for the thing to come. If this thing comes it might need to be labeled as something…like a relation-ship; we fear this ship will takes us to a land of slavery and our freedom will be altered. So, instead we hang on and let go at the same time. So what should we do? Relax. The freedom-ship is not developed to cage in a person. It’s develop to love without reason. When you love without reason…there are no expectations. There is no desire to trap someone into any thing. So, if a connection no longer serves you and you have no desire to serve the connection then you are free to love without reason as you place your feet on another path.
- If a typical relationship requires ownership of another human, then freedom-ship is about borrowing. Borrowing is the process of being respectful of a person’s space and desires outside of your connection. If a person wants to share some of their life with you without feeling pressured to do so then this is borrowing done in a healthy way. It’s designed to be a mutual exchange where both parties are comfortable. Recognize that the age of information and technology gives us this complexity of both wanting things to happen too fast while also fearing that we’re going to miss out and it’ll be too late. Develop a pace that works for your union. If things are not in sync then get like the backstreet boys and say “baby…bye, bye, bye” ( I secretly crack myself up.) However, do not be quick to say bye…truly listen to the elements that surround you…maybe you just need to meet one another half-way.
Warning! With freedom-ship we have to be careful that our desire to be free doesn’t disrespect the people we love. Karl Popper speaks of a “so – called paradox of freedom that argues that freedom is the sense of absence of any constraining control that must lead to very great restraint, since it makes the bully free to enslave the meek.” This should allow us to reflect on the type of freedom we represent. I won’t argue that there is a such thing as “too much” freedom but I would suggest that everything takes balance and the perception of everything and everyone around us reflects self.
In addition, Freedom-ship should not have any stolen time or empty phrases on board. Let’s aim to make the best of our time by being true in the moments we share with others. You should mean what you say and be clear about your intentions throughout the entire journey.
For those who are not comfortable with unfiltered truth…be prepared to participate in an Honest Rehab. An Honest Rehab is the process of going within oneself and meditating on the things that you no longer need to fear because of obstacles such as screwed up childhood experiences. Life is about duality. There is a dark and light side to all of us and our connections and experiences are here to help us discover our custom-fit lessons. Honesty is as uncomfortable as you make it. My favorite comedian, Aziz Ansari once asked, “Why do we all say we prefer honesty but rarely give that courtesy to others?”
And then I said, “Hmm…I don’t know Aziz”
But if we find ourselves in situations where it is difficult to be honest…perhaps it’s time to align ourselves with situations that allows us to naturally be ourselves.
Time is not only valuable but it’s sweet…you want to invest in the most authentic situations as you possibly can even if they are distributed as 20 short lived experiences with temporary lovers.
Freedom-ship is also grants the privilege to operate like the seasons…seasons change and so do people. But the root of the matter is that each change has an opportunity to reveal a unique beauty.
Some changes may be favored over others…and that favoritism is still in the eye of the beholder.
The major point is to not to have unrealistic expectations which means don’t expect people to always be the same or think the same or adapt to your desires. Instead, we should aim to admire the essence of a person and only expect them to grow much similar to everything else on this planet that is transformed and enlightened.
And lastly a Freedom-ship doesn’t require you to hold on. Apart of maturation is the ability to make sound decisions. We must not hold on to dead weight. If there is no willingness or intelligence on board to help restore your ship when things get rocky…then let the free bird fly. If that free bird was born in a love nest with a strong foundation…then the bird will surely attempt to return. Hopefully by then the nest isn’t remodeled with a new bird replacement. Uh oh!
Other cool notes I couldn’t properly fit in this post so I’m listing them here because I’m fly like that:
- We must not suffocate a person …we must let them breathe and enjoy the fresh air…and it’s okay to enjoy that fresh air together
- The key is to be honest from the beginning…if you don’t like the ship you’re about to sail on…return your tickets and get a new one. Don’t try to make extreme adjustments. Get on a ship that can get you not only close to your house…but all the way to your home because “where we love is home. Home where our feet may leave but not our hearts”
- I don’t believe anyone has to settle for a relationship but we must participate in the situations that are attracted to us when we are at our best. Therefore, if you are attracting shitty situations…it’s time to relax and go within in order to attract situations that are tuned in to your desires
- And one more “last” thing…I wrote this post but I don’t have the answers. We are humans …some powerful beings. I just urge you to use your finest tool which is your mind and create the best moments in this lifetime…whatever that means to you
Oh wait…let’s throw in some Maya Angelou..she’s lovely with the words…
Until next time…be mindful for your health. Think, dream and live